Monday, August 12, 2019

Suicide is Painless: The Return of Rubberasylum

My Fellow Inmates,

Through early morning fog I see
Visions of the things to be
The pains that are withheld for me
I realize and I can see

The game of life is hard to play
I'm gonna lose it anyway
The losing card I'll someday lay
So this is all I have to say

The sword of time will pierce our skins
It doesn't hurt when it begins
But as it works its way on in
The pain grows stronger
Watch it grin

A brave man once requested me
To answer questions that are key
Is it to be or not to be
And I replied oh why ask me?

Suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it if I please
And you can do the same thing if you please

6 years...

Six motherfucking years.

Six years ago i sat down. Six years ago I stopped blogging.



Six years ago I had a full on Nervous Breakdown.

Oh, sweetie I ain't fucking ashamed.

I was, Oh lord was I ever for many many years.

I broke... No, I didn't break; I shattered.

A million fucking pieces.

I couldn't talk about it. How could I?

I'm a well read name in our community. Any part of my story on what happened would be considered drama... would it not?

The reason for my shatter involves some well known names in our communities, about a dozen of them...

...It also includes a lot of drugs and alcohol...

But that's just the entertaining parts of the story.

So why am I finally back? Why after so many years am I finally stepping up? What happened to cause me to break my silence?

Last week happened.

On August 3rd, a friend I had known for 15 years couldn't take his own darkness anymore. He had a nervous breakdown like mine, and just like mine all his friends left. They tried, don't get me wrong, but eventually all of them left. They distanced themselves out of self protection as who of us knows how to handle another who has broken?

His suicide note spoke of the loneliness and the darkness that he could no longer face.

That was a Saturday.

Then came August 7th, Rio... Who I had known for 5+ years... took his own life...

A double gut punch...

And you know what?

It knocked my ass out of coast mode.

Life is short, life is fragile, life is special no matter how much is sucks in its worst moments...

So buckle up buttercups... Asylum is back and Asylum is pissed off.

Warn the motherfuckers of the last 6 years.

Lets shatter the rumors.

Lets tell my story...

With That, Visiting Time Is Over.

What Ever You Do Don't Scream Too Loud As Others Are Trying To Sleep.