Friday, March 20, 2009

Guess Who's Back, Back again....

My Fellow Inmates,

Recently this blog has become a one track mind about the new updates to the story of Carpe Noctem, and although the 3rd part is already nearing its final stages, we are going to step away from that for all those who could frankly give a shit about bondage porn…

If you want my honest thoughts though, I think you people need to seek help and seek it now, but to each their own, right?... People that don’t like reading bondage porn how weird is that?... J

So with that said… as you can tell from my not too subtle subject line I wish to talk about the homophobic bastard Marshall Mathers (Eminem for those not in the know).

You see many years ago Asylum decided to rewrite a few of his songs into a medley called “What if Eminem were gay?”

Yes, Asylum has always been a cynical asshole…

Recently I was leafing through some old boxes and ran across my writings. Since they have never seen the light of day before as they were only written for my own disturbed satisfaction, I figured this would be the perfect forum to share…

A few of you will appreciate, a few wont care, a few won’t get it, and a few are still saying Marshall who?

So with that said....

‘Commin’ out of my closet’

Have you ever been phillated or gyrated against?
I have
I have even mated with jail bait an then I get
Picket signs for my sexual crimes;
All because I
Stuck my dick up my motherfucking boyfriends behind
All this commotion, emotion
Over my dick explodin
Tempers flaring from parents
Cause I tied up their 16 year old
I tie up their nuts and I blow ‘em
They’re on their knees when I’m peein
Eat out their ass in the morning
Kick ‘em out in the evening
They’re leavin’
Their DNA on my couch
See they can finger me…
But they’ll never empty me out
Take a bow
You probably thought they’d have a cow
But all you did was make them want to play with me now

I'm sorry mama,
I never meant to hurt you,
I never meant to make you cry,
But tonight I'm commin' out my closet,
{one more time},
I said I'm sorry mama,
I never meant to hurt you,
I never meant to make you cry,
But tonight I'm commin’ out my closet...

‘My Name Is’

Hi Kids, You like Cannabis?
Wanna get completely fucked up and listen to Janis?
Wanna Copy me and look at the planets?
Listen to the Gay Philosopher talking about Uranus?

My Brain’s dead weight
I can’t get my head straight
But I can’t figure out
Which Nsync member to impregnate

Dr Dre Said:
“Slim Shady you’ve been basting”
“Then why’s your face red? Man you’re wasted”

Well since before I was a man
I listened to Streisand
And wanted to get
Rudolph Valentino in the can

Got Pissed of
Ripped John Wayne Bobbitt’s dick off
And said
“How you supposed to fuck me when it’s this soft”?

Excuse be for being crass
But I like to take it up the ass
Like Affleck and Damon
In Good Will Hunting’s class

“Shady, wait a minute…”
“… That’s my girl, Dog!”
You’re right, she’s a dog
I’d rather fuck Billy Ray Cyrus, Ya’ll

Hi! My Name is…
My Name is…
My Name is…
Slim Shady

My English Teacher wanted to fuck me in the 8th grade
Said he saw me strutting my shit in the local pride parade

So I grabbed him by the tits
Told him there was no fucking way I’d switch
As I looked at him and said
“On your knee’s bitch!”

Missing testicled
Small dicked republicans
Thinking lesbians
Just need a man in between them

Most of my life I’ve been lied to
Just found out my dad sucks more dick than I do

I’m Steamin Mad
And by the way when you see my dad
Tell him I bought that porno mag
And saw his ad…

Hi! My Name is…
My Name is…
My Name is...
Slim Shady

So, at the start of all of this blog crap I promised you that Asylum is all over the board with his thoughts, and anyone who actually follows my ramblings will be treated to some of the most random things that could possibly cross my mind…

Tonight, I came up with my subject line and it just went from there..

"Oh! I should post the Eminem parody!"

Perhaps it was a good idea… perhaps not… perhaps I need seditives and restraints... Yes Please J

Beyond all of that... the 3rd part of the story is on its way, the next blog post is number 25, and I have since found out I actually have some followers of my blog. To all those who actually come out to read my ramblings purposefully, I thank you.

I have fun writing these when I get the inclination, and sometimes I don’t even know what insanity is liable to pour out when I sit down here to type.

For those who may have just stumbled upon this accidently and are not sure what to make of this at the moment… just stay where you are help is on its way, enough chemicals in your blood stream and you will start thinking like I do… granted this means your families will really worry about you…

But hell, let’s be honest, if they knew half the story anyway, most of us would be locked up…

It would be an entertaining institution to be in though... Lots of fresh meat... It gets lonely locked up in here alone J

With that visiting time is over and the guards grow antsy…

Take care, and what ever you do don't scream too loud, others are trying to sleep