Sunday, February 22, 2009

The Freaks Cum Out At Night

My fellow Inmates,

I come to you today writing about a dire situation. My current visitor, Patient 001: Rubberfreak, is a hell of a lot more ill than we first thought. His treatment shall need to be stepped up and drastic measures shall need to be taken.

Let me relate the story to you now…

Friday morning we picked the boy up at the airport, where he showed up hauling 50 pounds of gear. After running a whole bunch of errands, we finally made it home and next thing I know the boy bouncing around covered in latex. I must share with you that we were horrified, for we had no idea that the boy’s sickness ran this deep. For a short time I was loss at how to proceed, and then I asked myself…

What would Jesus do?

Deciding that there was some therapeutic basis to the boy assisting in the construction of one of the objects of his treatment; I put him right to work assembling the new table. Upon its completion I figured the best thing for the boy would be to begin with some aversion therapy. He was addicted to rubber, so we were going to give it to him, and in spades.

Slathering up everything but his bare feet in latex; “Bare feet can be very useful when someone is bound and helpless” (This is an excerpt from the recently rediscovered missing papers of Sigmund Freud; written during the oft forgotten about Transgender years). We then began the immobilization process.

After he was thoroughly unable to hurt himself any longer, I focused specifically on the largest issue at hand… The boy has… Well his issue is… Well being as prim and proper as Asylum is I can not bring myself to even say it. So I share with you the following church approved terms in hopes that we can end up on the same page in understanding the dire issue that Asylum is attempting to cure.

Approved Terms For Deviance:

Chilling the crusader, Joshing the hound, Grappling the Elmo, Spit-polishing the electric goo gun, Jerkin' the purple headed warrior, Harping on the one-eyed yogurt thrower, Slap-Boxing the pumpkin,

Squashing the goalie, Whacking the tower of power, Hitting Bubba, Twisting the obelisk, Romancing the squirmin' German, Test-firing the magic one-eyed wonder weasel. Getting in touch with the satin-headed serpent,

Playing ping pong with the purple-headed yogurt pistol, Fisting Jimmy Dean, Bleeding the testicular squatters, Boppin' the single serving soup dispenser, Making like Hans Solo and stroking the obvious, Boxing Kojak, Debugging the wire, Ramming the oompa loompa.

Fastening the chin strap on the helmet of love, sampling the secret sauce, helping put Mr. Kleenex's kids through college, aggravating one eyed postal worker, Patting the Robertson, or blowing Kurt’s brains across the room…

Ok, perhaps the last one hails from the sick recessed trenches of Asylum’s Seattle tinged mind… Guess what, get over it, Courtney got off scot free, and it's over. Right now she is sipping mimosas in her multimillion dollar drug den on the cell with O.J. (in his cell), comparing notes for the sister book to his “How I would have done it”.

Danger severe tangents next 30 miles, now compensating so as to swerve back on the road; basically the tracks on the trains of thought in this clusterfuck one calls grey matter are so corroded from improper use over the years that derailments are common place… be warned.

So where was I?

Ah yes, the boy. After hours of torturous treatments on the table and extended experimentations into mixing poppers with endorphins, the boy was allowed to rest in the sleepsack with a bit gag tightened down on the puffy hood. I will tell you something he found out fairly quickly… This sucks. The hood wants to push it back out and the gag wants to pull back in. It gets sore real quick.

Once on the boy found out it was not coming off easily. The mix of the boy’s whining and the wonderful writhing of the sleepsacked form when Asylum’s fingernails accidently slipped together on the head of his dick multiple times over caused your fair practitioner to have a outburst of his own… all over said boy…

He was very thankful after I cleaned him up that I took pity on him and did not force him to sleep in the gag. This was only due to the fact he had had two hours of sleep the night before. It was my wish that he be rested for the following day’s treatments…

More on that later…

You can see pictures of the boy’s progress in the Rubberasylum group, under events, by choosing Rubberasylum Patient 001: Rubberfreak. I will try to update this daily, and I promise you, there are some very entertaining videos coming down the pike… stay tuned

With that visiting time is over and the guards grow antsy...

Take care, and what ever you do don't scream too loud, others are trying to sleep