I was sitting here today, replying to a boy who messaged me, and he got me thinking about this simple word that is so lost in meaning anymore that it could be interchangeable with the word "Smurf"
The boy, upon initial contact writes: "Hello Sir, how are you doing Sir, I would like to meet you Sir."
Now understand this is someone I have never spoken to, doesn't know me from Adam, and has no sense of respect for me at all beyond the fantasy built by the pictures and profile posted.
When I advised him that he was not to call me Sir until I earned it, and that he should call me Dan, his next reply was "Thank you Dan, I still would like to meet you Dan, I am a eager boy Dan..." etc....
Umm, ok... Lets go back to Sir....
I guess in my mind Sir is a term of respect that should be earned before it is given.
Respect, yes... A simple yet lost concept of our ever changing world.
In the old guard scene, where incidentally I was trained by my Master many many years ago, Sir is a term used for any Top, and like the court system, there is a pecking order, anyone in their leather drag is to be called Sir as you would rather be wrong in assuming they are a Top, than foolishly make the other assumption.
This is a world where forgetting to call a Top "Sir", or even serving a drink or a meal to the wrong Top in the order that they should be served based upon their Seniority could cause a boy to receive severe punishments. It takes a certain mindset and a drive all its own, the craving to be property, where the fantasy only ever turns off behind closed doors and that is still only if your Top allows it.
To be fair, whenever I see my former Master I still call him Sir from time to time, he has earned it. Not so much from his fantastic Cane collection as the fact that he earned my trust rather than commanding it.
In the new guard we tend to be more relaxed, the old guard mentality type relationships still exist, but the considerations of the boy seem to be more prevalent. A pup may be locked in his cage for an extended period of time, but the fantasy inevitably always ends. The term "Sir" is less commonly used, and tends to be most powerful when you mean it...
Perhaps that's it...
Intent
When we play, and play hard with a boy who feels true respect and trust in you, truly submissive to you, there is then power in that word. A term of endearment, a sign of respect.
We don't play tie up games, it goes deeper than that. Mental anguish and taxation stacked upon the bondage and gear that holds you. The level of trust in the one in control dictates how far that scene can go.
This can take a long time to achieve with a boy. Bodisama used to say that wavering consent in a scene was fine and natural, and although James liked to mess with peoples minds, even he knew that without initial trust you can only take the mind so far.
Accepted futility...
Sparky and I were playing at the party in February where I did my bouncing clothespin scene with him. this is a very mentally taxing scene. Pain and pleasure being communicated from the same area on the body in waves at the same time as the clothespins bounce in rhythm with the Venus. At one point, after he came twice, and I was fucking with the clothespins, he yelled out "Take them the fuck off already!". At that point, I was already aware that they hurt like a son of a bitch. Sparky trusts me, this I know. Though we were in the middle of a party, and if I would have said no and kept pushing, I would have broke that wall and taken him deep.
I didn't though. a group gathering is not a place to a puddle of boy mind to form. Sparky is one of many that I know that knows better than to use the term of Sir lightly...
Though If I would have taken him there, I guarantee it would have come out of his mouth, and I would have been honored, as I have been in scenes we have played that have taxed him mentally and physically.
What makes this different than any other boy? Sparky is a Top who I introduced to full rubber play 10 years ago. We have a strong connection, and Sparky calls very few people Sir.
If a pup speaks with a dog hood on, I know there is a problem. If a boy that respects me in his heart, calls me by first name during play, I know there is a problem. Why insult me when you don't know me to try to earn my favor by calling me a term you don't truly feel?
True no safe word play has to be carefully moderated. There is always a safeword, weather its spoken, the top is reading the bottom's body language, or its all based on the dick's reaction. None of us would just trompse over someone else's wishes, as we don't wish to end up in handcuffs at the end of the scene.
No matter how hot the scene in the process may be.
Whereas when you have earned complete trust, wavering consent in a scene can happen where the whole of the scene ends up an amazing journey. Where the boy is thrilled to drop to his knees and call you Sir at the completion of his travels. This is powerful for both parties involved.
Submission past the fantasy, the realization of dreams, and the only way the boy knows how to show the ultimate form of respect, to belay his heart in a term of true submission.
I think its time we rethought the meaning and usage of this term.
Of course I could be wrong...
Take care, and what ever you do don't scream too loud, others are trying to sleep
Rubberasylum
